My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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