Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize