Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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