Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
