Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
