I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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