yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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