Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
