i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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