Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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