At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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