U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
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