i think my mom watched the whole time
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
