grandma shit on top of the toilet
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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