i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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