Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
