i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
