wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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