Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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