Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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