would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
