I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
