I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
