Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well I just put wine in my tea
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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