i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sorry about my life...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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