That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
