return my video game
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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