By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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