She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
so much tequila, so little girl.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize