After last night, I could never be a politician.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
