Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize