1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
