I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize