Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize