i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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