I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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