I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
