Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
