3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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