After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I will pee on everything he values.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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