She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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