moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
