well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He kissed a someone with a penis
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
