He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
