If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
