Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i love accidental penises.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
