he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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