you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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