I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The ass gains better be worth it
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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