If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
