I want to walk on stilts...naked
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
