how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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