that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
