everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
