i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
