she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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