No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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