even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The dick lei will go down in squad history
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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