im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize