): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
