The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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