I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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