we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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