You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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