it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
