i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
