I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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