If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
