Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He did a backflip because drugs
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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