he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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