so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
