The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
