i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
