I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
