I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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