Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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