I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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