I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
